Two Yanks In Oz

Oh my goodness! It has been what...3, 4 months since I posted in here? I used to be so good at this...sheesh. Well, I will post a bullet list of news at the bottom of this entry. Right now, I want to focus on a thought that has been growing like a little bean sprout in my head since March.

I felt the culmination of all my musings and study and prayer over the lat 3 months rise up inside of me yesterday, when my tutorial had a lunch at our trainer's house to celebrate the end of the semester. There is a fantastic man of God in my tutorial named Joel, who came to Sydney with his wife Charlotte and their two young boys. God gave them a surprise blessing of a third little boy while they were here in Oz, and he was born a week ago yesterday. The whole family came to the lunch, even little bubs, his tiny 7 day old self sleepy and snuggled up. His mom had no problem letting all of us take our turn holding him and snapping pictures of all the girls with E., which will make a really cool part of their scrapbooks later I'm sure. What a ladies man...

I watched all of these women who are around my age being so natural with this tiny baby, cuddling him, staring at him with expressions of wonder, touching his little fingers and toes, his little fuzzy head, just completely looking at him with total adoration. When it was my turn to hold him, I had a revelation. This baby isn't my own, and to be honest his parents aren't incredibly close friends of mine. But holding gorgeous, precious new life in my arms made me tear up. I've held babies before. I have held children when they're sick and when they want to cuddle and when they're sleeping- it comes with working in childcare. But for some reason, this time was different. I felt a swelling of emotion looking at this tiny, gorgeous barely born baby, blissed out and asleep in my arms, totally trusting a random stranger to keep his head supported. I couldn't help but shed a tear or two (or 3, or 4...) . I was thinking about how badly I want my own baby (more like baseball team of babies) some day, and about a prophecy given to me by a classmate last semester about God seeing my mother's heart and someday honoring that desire in me. I was totally lost in my own little world when a friend noticed my tears and said, "Just think; if you get this emotional and overwhelmed when you hold a friend's baby, how much God feels when he looks at us."

I know we hear the analogy of God as father all the time, and God compared to earthly parents, and as Christians we all hear and understand that God loves us lots and unconditionally. I definitely know that and believe it. But sometimes, in my daily life, I really struggle with accepting that love. It's kind of like I've learned a theory that I can logically make sense of, but I can't practically apply it. Like imaginary numbers in Algebra (who are they kidding?). But, when this friend said that to me, it just clicked inside of my heart. I am made in the image of God. Therefore, I have emotions that mirror God's. In my own way, I felt love for the baby. So, if I can feel that for a baby that's not my own, God totally feels that for me! About 1,000,000 times stronger though.

I think that God sensed I was ready to accept that revelation and allowed me to have a moment where I could feel a fraction of what he felt each time He sees new life enter the world. He created the life, so He can appreciate it even more than I can. It's just crazy how much He actually must love me. Crazy. I seriously don't think I've ever grasped that. I am sitting here, not even able to wrap my mind around it. Oh my God, how could I ever have doubted it?

Like everyone else on earth, I have some things that I've lived through that have made me feel less-than. Satan uses our natural tendency to sin as a doorway into our hearts, wounding us and using us to wound others. I have spent most of my life feeling un-noticed, un-cared for and unimportant, simply because I allowed the actions of others, their abuses and their careless words to define my identity. I have lashed out at people from the depths of my own unhappiness and fear and in turn felt guilt. But, this semester, I have started to face all of that and begin to love myself and see myself the way He loves and sees me- as a person of infinite value and worth. I can't explain the whole journey, but I will say it reached it's apex in the moment I held a tiny baby yesterday.

The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying : "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness." ~Jeremiah 31:3

"The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He Loves us." ~CS Lewis


Now for the news bulletin:
- Hillsong Conference is just around the corner. We've finished classes for the semester and are moving into conference intensives, which basically means we spend 2 weeks logging hours with our assigned ministries so that they'll be ready to play their part in Conference.

- I've been working as a Youth Support Worker in residential care here in Sydney, as part of a non-profit organization that works in partnership with DOCS (Dept of Children's Services). This job has really enabled me to be more flexible in finances and I consider it a huge blessing. I also like it, even though I'm still new at it so I still get nervous on shift. I'm getting the hang of it, and I know I am blessed and favoured for sure. I also still nanny in the city on Saturdays.

- In a few weeks, I'll be heading to Wellington NZ with friends for a much needed mid-year holiday and we are leading worship at a friends' church in Wellington.

- Because of my new job, I bought a car. It's old. It ain't pretty. I have to ask it nicely to start in the mornings. But, it runs and it gets me to work. And I'm proud to say that I think I've mastered driving on the left. :)

- I am still believing for finances for my second year- more specifically, I'll find out in the next few weeks if I have received a scholarship I applied for a few months ago. I told Jesus yesterday that I knew the money was mine, in His name, so if anyone out there reading this could do the same, I'd appreciate it.

- Hillsong's Heart for the House offering is this next weekend, and I'm excited to be able to contribute! Each year, at the end of Oz's financial year, Hillsong takes a massive offering that goes into 7 projects/ ministries that are partnering with the church. This year we are contributing towards A21, Natural disaster efforts, Hillsong New York, Hillsong Sydney campuses/ facilities, Hillsong CityCare, Vision Rescue in Mumbai, India, and Tembaletu School in Cape Town. Each year millions of dollars are given straight into these campaigns, all from this one weekend. Brilliant.

- I am working on getting Robin to write another post...but she's doing great. She's working at a store called The Athlete's Foot and stepping into new leadership at church. We've decided it's best for both of us not to be roomies anymore, so now we're both on our own in single rooms, but there's no hard feelings. We're doing really well with the separation. :)


Oh yeah..we're both staying a second year here!!!

I think that's all!

May He richly bless and favour you, child of God!

Love,
Aislinn