Two Yanks In Oz

Well. I have had a frustrating past few weeks, to say the least. If there's anyone out there who is unaware of the process in moving internationally, you not only have to have a passport, but a visa. For short term travel that's not always necessary but in my case it is. So, I was told by some people at HILC through facebook (MISTAKE #1, btw- do NOT get your info from people on facebook!) that I needed to go online, print out a paper application and mail it in to the US/ AUS embassy in Washington DC 5-6 months before I was going to leave to give them ample time to process said application. So, way back in October, I mailed in my application (MISTAKE #2- mail it in 4 months before and you'll be fine! MISTAKE #3: do it online, and you'll get approved in 24 hours!). They charged my credit card on October 7th, and then in December I got a call from my case officer stating that the visa couldn't be processed until 90 days from the date my classes started. That meant that they couldn't begin to make a decision until April 19th.

So April 19th came and went, and I got nervous and called the visa services information hotline. I was told that they hadn't opened my visa, but expected to soon, and that when they did open the application for processing, it would take a maximum of 20 days. (MISTAKE #4: I did not ask them to contact me when the visa was opened for processing.) I asked why the processing hadn't been started since I had been given this specific date by my caseworker, and they said "Oh, I can't see anything wrong with the application, so I don't really know..but we'll be in contact." So, I waited 20 business days and heard nothing.

I then called the hotline back and got some person who barely spoke English who said that the application was "still in processing" but that she couldn't tell me how long it had been in processing or when a decision would be made. I asked her to have my case officer call me, because at that point, it was the end of May and I had about 4 weeks until I got on a plane. SCARY! (MISTAKE #5: I didn't ask for my case officer's information to contact him directly...and MISTAKE 6: I lost his name and phone number even though he'd called me in December). I informed the person I was speaking to that I needed to let the case officer know my travel plans, because I am leaving 2 weeks before courses start. They were running on the assumption that they had 6 weeks to approve it, but they really had around 4. (MISTAKE 7: I didn't include travel dates on my application because I filled it out before I bought my airline ticket- it goes along with doing it too early.)

So I got an email on May 28th saying that within 2 business days my case officer would contact me. Well, even with Memorial Day thrown in there, I got nothing from my case officer. So, I sent an email to the Department of Immigration and Migration services in North America threatening to call my state representative if I didn't get an answer or even just some sort of communication from my case officer.

Today, I called the hotline again at 3:30 pm. I talked to a woman who acted very annoyed with me, saying they had already notified my case officer of my concerns and that "The embassy is aware of your situation; now all we can do is wait because we have a high volume of student applications this time of year." Well, that was utter crap! So I asked if I could please get a refund and cancel the paper process, allowing me to start an online visa application. Robin did hers online and got approved in 24 hours. The lady on the phone told me that while they could cancel my visa application, my money was non-refundable. At this point I was beyond angry. I told her I was going to call my state representative if I didn't hear from my case worker by tomorrow. She said, "I understand your nervousness but that is our policy." And we hung up.

I then emailed HILC to see if anyone over there knew someone in the Embassy that could get the process rolling for me, and I began typing an email to my US-TX state representative. Literally, as I sent the email out to HILC, right before I sent one to my rep in DC, I got an email from my case worker approving my visa.

8 months, $450, 4 phone calls and 3 emails, and 2 threats later, I finally got my visa.

Was it a coincidence that 2 hours after I b****** out the phone operator and sent a threatening email to the Department of Immigration and Migration I suddenly got approved? After 8 months with NO contact from the DIAM? I don't think so.

The moral of the story, young ones, is just do your visa application online and save yourself the worry.

The closer I get to leaving for HILC, the more God heats and beats my heart, much like iron. He's definitely preparing me to be open to His Spirit when I leave.

A few nights ago I woke up at 4:30 am with some words rolling around in my head. Usually I ignore anything that comes to me that late at night, but I felt like I needed to write the words down. They were words that were tender for me. Things I didn't want to admit to myself or to anyone else. I went downstairs and wrote them all down, and started arranging them into something that made more sense to me. It ended up as a poem, and now a song. Songs just seem to make sense, you know? I can follow the idea and the emphasis of a song much more easily than anything else on the planet.

The words, like I said, were tender to me, and I don't think I fully realized how tender they were until they came out on paper. I guess I just pushed those feelings into the back of my mind. The words were about a specific person that I came to care about very much. I didn't understand that I cared until I left this person, and I don't think this person cared about me to the same degree. We disagreed over a lot of things, but agreed on a lot too, and had some very intense moments where I almost felt something emerge. However the situation we were in really didn't allow room for anything else but the tasks immediately at hand, and when the task was done I left and haven't seen that person at all since then. But over the past few months, I come back to that person in my head over and over again. There's not anything I can do at this point. I am leaving, this person is otherwise occupied in a different part of the country and even if I could do something about it, I don't know if I would. It's frustrating because I don't want to feel that way at all and I don't understand why those feelings are there. I developed them quietly and they snuck up on me all at once a little while ago. Hopefully other people know what I'm talking about and I'm not out in crazy town by myself.

I wrote the words for that person, and wrote our story specifically, but the longer I sat looking at them, singing them, playing with them, I realized that they could be for any number of people in my life. I didn't attempt to write about God mending anything or about a hopeful ending. I just wrote how I feel, at a dead end, stuck with this longing for another person and the bitter regret that we are separated indefinitely and I'll never really know their side of the story. I feel that way about a few people who were very important in my life for a while and now have virtually no contact with me. I can't help but wonder how Jesus would guide me. I know I haven't deliberately hurt anyone, but there have definitely been things unsaid and relationships lost. Does Jesus mourn the loss of friendship for me, the loss of love? Am I losing people who were supposed to be an integral part of my life?

The thing that bothers me the most about myself is that I put on this armor against other people and often don't let my tenderness come through it. I feel like I have to be uber impressive, spiritually and mentally and emotionally. I'm sure a psychologist would tell you that it's because of the situation that I grew up in with people watching me all the time, and watching my family, but I think it just comes down to fear. In fact, I know it does, because when I do finally feel comfortable enough with someone to show a little bit of my heart I do it in an awkward way and then immediately become afraid of their reaction. Why can't I just tell people when I think they are doing wonderful things? Why can't I tell people when I admire their character? Why can't I just tell someone I love them without feeling embarrassed to feel that way?

I feel a deep sense of sadness for all of the people I have let slip in and out of my life. I feel a sense of guilt for not maintaining contact out of the fear that the other person would find me annoying. It's all so unreasonable but I do it all the time! And I keep telling myself how awful it is that I did it.

Matthew 18:21-35 tells me that if I don't forgive myself, God can't forgive me either. That's a very weighty thought for someone like me, who wants everyone to love her and is very conscious of each slip up. But no doubt about it; If I am unforgiving to anyone on earth, including myself, I can't receive the forgiveness of God. So that will be my first priority: forgiving myself. Forgiving myself for being silent when I could have been loving. Forgiving myself for being talkative and advising when someone else needed silent understanding. Forgiving myself for not hearing others and living too much inside my own head. I am going to let it go and accept a clean slate.

I'm going to remember that as a Christian, I only need to feel guilty if the Holy Spirit rebukes me and brings my sins to light. Half of the things I get upset about are not really bad at all, and I just create this huge battle in my head that no one else sees. So if the Spirit isn't rebuking me, I'm not going to worry about it. And yes, it is VERY clear when the Spirit is rebuking me. There are times when He does, and times when it's just me rebuking me.

I am going to let God, the giver of consolations, speak into my heart and tell me He loves me. I want to be loved so so badly, and He is just the one to do it.

And last but not least, I am going to put my feelings into view as I'm feeling them, if it won't damage another person. No more fear of feeling what I feel. So. Do I call that person up out of the blue and drop a bomb on them? Probably not. That opportunity has passed for now. I feel like the door could re-open in future years, but God is moving me out of that season of my life and into my new Australian season. But, mystery person, if you are reading this, it should be clear who you are. And you should know that even though it makes no sense and I am not sure, and it actually makes me laugh at myself, I....I....I think I may love you. Yeah, I think I may.

Hola!

Life has been very busy around here. I suppose the more interesting things that have happened (besides working working working of course) have been:

- Robin and I got to see Hillsong United in concert at the end of April and it was so awesome! Just to be in that place, hearing all those voices raised in worship was something unforgettable. Even though our feet hurt from waiting 2 hours in line and then standing throughout the whole concert, it was totally worth it.

-We have reserved our student housing and the school says they'll try their best to put us together. A lot of things in this preparation process have been different than my prep for OCU, but I'm learning that Aussie culture is a little...or a LOT...more laid back and "go with the flow" than ours. So, when I ask people at the school questions about housing, like what the address of the house is, they say, "Oh, we don't know yet. We'll tell you when you get here." Or if I ask a question about where to stay before housing opens, they say, "Just look around when you reach the airport and a shuttle driver can take you to a hostel." Now, for a control freak like me, that's panic attack inducing. But God, in his infinite wisdom, is sending tight-a** control freak me to the most laid back, slow to react country on the planet. Every tiny plan I make is becoming a learning experience as I deal with not always having details when I want them.

- Despite the vague statements made by people at the school and a whole lot of nail biting on my part, we have found a hostel to stay in for the 5 nights we need prior to college housing opening. It's called the Original Backpacker's Sydney, and it looks clean, safe and it's affordable. It's in an old Victorian house that they've modernized,with full kitchen to cook in and safes for our valuables. We do have to share a hall batch, but Robin and I will be in a 4 bed room with 2 other girls going to Hillsong so all in all a great deal.

- I sang alone, with my guitar, for the first time last weekend at FUMC Victoria. After which, I received a check for $200. God is miraculous. Not only did I get a warm reception after each service and a comfortable environment in which to debut my guitar skills, I got an unexpected blessing in that check.

We are leaving in about 6 weeks and I couldn't be more nervous and excited at the same time. Some moments I can't wait to get on the plane, and some moments I literally feel sick. But regardless, I'm doing it and I know this is the right plan for me. If you actually read this blog God bless you, and God bless you if you don't read it, too. :)

Peace.

Hey everyone!

It is getting so very very close to the time we leave! Part of me is super excited and part of me is pretty scared. Going off into the unknown with relatively little of anything you own and almost no money makes me nervous. I think to Robin it's just an adventure but it gives me slight heart palpitations. However, God keeps dropping little bits of reassurance into my path. Last weekend at Alpha, the talk was called "How does God guide us?" I will admit to being sleepy and sick with a cold so I sort of drifted in and out of the talk, until the very end when the speaker read a verse to us from Isaiah 30:21- " And whether you go to the right or the left, listen. There will be a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way! Walk in it.'" Immediately I felt that the words were meant for me. I can't explain exactly how, but I knew they were. I had been thinking about our trip to Sydney a lot that whole week and worrying about it, thinking that maybe it wasn't a divine calling but more like something we just really wanted so we sort of disguised it as a message from God. But as soon as I heard those words, I felt very calm and assured. It was another one of those strange moments in my life that make me feel crazy but also validated in my belief in an active creator. :)

I've decided that I don't like being employed. I mean, I like the paychecks and everything. What I don't like is that due to the good ole' US of A being in an economic crisis, my college degree means almost nothing. But, I am lucky in that I found work, unlike many Americans. I am now substituting in two local school districts and two private pre-schools. It keeps me busy every day, and although I may not work a full 8 hours each day, at least I'm working. Hopefully by the time we leave for Sydney I won't have to worry that we won't be able to pay our bills past the first month.

As Aislinn has mentioned we finally have our tickets. She has her visa and I am currently working on getting my paperwork through,.

It's official! We are leaving on July 5th, 2010 at 11:10 pm from Los Angeles and getting to Brisbane early on July 7th.  From there we will get our bags, go through customs, re-check our bags, and grab our flight to Sydney, but we only have an hour and a half to do it!  Here's to hoping lines aren't long.  The tickets were unbelievably cheap- $646 one way- so that was a major deal.  The strange thing is that we only bought one way tickets.  Yes, we can't purchase our return ticket until 300 days before the flight leaves, at the earliest.  So we can't get those until later in the year 2010.  Our concern is that the airline requires proof of "continued travel" from each passenger before they can board the plane.  We are hoping that our certificates of enrollment from Hillsong and our student visas count, as they do technically represent where we are traveling after we get off the plane...and they document that we will be in the country for an entire 12-14 months.  

Ok, originally this was only going on Facebook, but I figured out how to post it on the blog so here you go!  

Well, we're both accepted and enrolled to Hillsong International Leadership College beginning July 2010.  We've payed and we're in- plus our visas are good to go (ok...mine is good to go.  Robin still hasn't sent in her paperwork. But we're not worried).   The visas cost about $400 to process and because we're from the US, and the US is a low risk country, all we had to do was fill out the form and mail in our proof of enrollment from Hillsong, the check and...that's it!  It took about 8 weeks for mine to get approved, but they can't physically issue it until February.  Here's the website where you can find the visa application: