Dear God,
I delight in you. I find new things hidden in each passing moment that romance me; I hear words from every mouth around me that draw me into you. The gifts you give me surpass my expectations and are far too good for me. The people who love me deserve better from me, and still you bless me with their friendship.
You know that I love your sky so you paint it twice each day with my favorite colors. And at night you send me small visions of your glory, scattered throughout the expanse of the heavens. You know that I find joy in blooming things so you place them along my path. Even in the poorest and roughest of neighborhoods you plant gardens; they are behind trailers and under barred windows. You know that I love children so you send these precious ones to worship in front of me, and I watch them clap and take it all in. And you know that I love to sing, so you gave me a voice. And when I sing to much and listen too little, you take my voice away so I can hear others.
When I am sad, you wrap yourself around me like the quilt that I loved as a child. You listen to me cry and when I pray for peace or sleep, you answer me.
When I am uncertain, you speak words into my thoughts throughout the day and sometimes your voice comes from the mouths of the people behind me in the grocery store. You tell me that you will always take care of me because you love me and want me to live, really live.
When I am happy I will praise you for letting me feel that way.
Lord, I am deeply in love with you. Thank you for showing me what that means. Thank you for teaching me what love is and that it is what I deserve. Thank you for teaching me how to love someone else.
I promise you, my God, that to the best of my humble abilities, I will lift up the people that come across my path. I will speak of You more often and I will talk with you even more often than that. I will tell you I love you with words and with actions.
You have placed a calling into my heart to go somewhere sight unseen in 8 days, and to stay for an unknown amount of time. I have less than half of the money I need, and I am scared of failing you. I am scared that I will miss the reason you have sent me so far because of my own weaknesses. Please, God, sit beside me in class and hold my hand as I walk so that I will always remember to wait on you.
I don't know why I feel that you are sending me so far away just to be closer to you, but I trust you. I will no longer worry or try to control this journey. You are in control, and I know that if I really do love you the way I profess to love you, I will trust you.
Thank you God, for giving me grace. Thank you for allowing me to be so intimately connected with you. You, creator, savior, pasture-maker, shepherd, healer, my redeemer,Lord and King, beginning and the end- I AM-
I humbly praise you and give my life to you again. I surrender. I love you.
Hi Guys! Well I really don't post as much on this blog as I should and to Aislinn's delight, I plan on changing that once we hit the ground in Sydney :). However this blog post is prompted more by recent events in my life then by our impeding trip to OZ.
Simply put: God is good. There are many cliche phrases that can follow this statement but its abundantly clear that this statement is incredulously true when God creates amazing moments out of enormously hard situations.
I haven't spoken about this situation in its entirety because there were many parts to it and I felt that God and I needed to deal with this together. Few people have known about this circumstance until this point because I wanted to mostly internalize my emotions and come to an understanding about them before I could verbalize my conclusions and realizations.
My dad is in his last stage of life. He was transferred to the hospice ward today and no more aggressive medical treatments will be implemented because everything that could be done to bring him back to health has been done. I really do encourage prayers for his peace in body but I do want to make it clear that I do not write this blog to receive sympathy. I know most simply want to extend a hand towards me and help give me comfort during this time but I feel that this blog is about so much more. I implore you to look past the circumstance and see the incredible testimony that God has granted me in this situation.
My uncle and aunt on my dad's side have been only floaters in my life for quite some time. My uncle more so then my aunt who, for circumstances I won't divulge right now, has felt the need to keep a safe distance from my dad. I honestly don't blame this mentality. If anyone knows how I grew up, I think they could understand why my uncle would be less than keen to keep up consistent contact with my father. Needless to say that this lack of communication stemmed to me as well. My aunt is so gracious and sends me gifts and has helped me financially with my Australia endeavors but has kept our communication, till recently, at a minimum as well.
Because the other members of my family felt the need to keep a safe distance from my dad, I became the medical power of attorney. Simply put, I have had to make all the important decisions about my dad's care and have been given the sole responsibility of giving consent for his treatments. One of which was to place him in hospice care and forgo anymore aggressive measures to keep him alive.
It's been difficult. I could walk around this fact but I won't. There has been more then one time that I have cried because of the fact that I felt so incredibly alone and overwhelmed. I could receive advice from others, but at the end of the day I held the load of making the decisions. The decisions didn't have time to be pondered. They had to be quick because it could mean painful consequences if treatments or actions weren't taken in a prompt manner. I was extremely bitter. I'm 23 years old and have never dealt with anything remotely like this in my life. My family left me out to dry and left me to make all of these huge decisions without so much as a phone call. It mad me mad and upset but I swept those emotions to the side because I knew they wouldn't help anyone. They certainly wouldn't have helped me and I didn't want them affecting my judgment.
Luckily my mom stepped in to help me out. I am so blessed that she had the words to say, which I know God gave her to speak not only to me but to the other members of my family. She told my other family members that it wasn't right to let me feel alone in this. That it wasn't right for me not to have the support I desperately needed in this trying time. They listened. My uncle called a couple of days later and we talked about many different subjects. But mostly we hit on the fact of why he was so distant from me for more then half my life. He apologized and I understood his reasoning for his actions. I mean I couldn't judge because I had acted the same way towards my dad. We all have survival mode and both my uncle and I had implemented that during our lifetimes with my father. And the conversation ended with me knowing that my uncle would be there for me and would help me with this circumstance. Last night we talked again. We spoke about God and how we knew my dad would be at peace. My uncle asked about my life and how he felt I am mature beyond my years. Once we got off the phone I was so overwhelmed with joy and relief that I could doing nothing by cry. It was a relationship I have wanted for so long. I spoke with my aunt today too and she reassured me that whatever I needed it would only take a phone call to have what I need from her. I couldn't be more grateful that she would be an advisory figure and family member I could turn to.
You might be asking yourself, after reading my deepest and most painful thoughts and emotions during this time, what it is I'm trying to express in this blog.
I'm trying to express that God is good. God has taken an incredibly difficult situation and brought peace to my family; which has been missing for many years. And nothing replaces or masks the pain that comes with knowing you are losing a parent. It's a feeling that I hope is prolonged for as long as possible and a pain I would not wish upon anyone. Even though this is the case, I still have hope in the fact that my dad knows the Savior and that that same Savior granted the reunion of my family.
I also have been shown a great example through my mother and stepfather. It would make sense if they wanted to keep the farthest distance between my father and themselves but they have been the onces that have encouraged forgiveness and action. My mom helped me to see that if I didn't take action and visit my father, that I would regret it for the rest of my life if he passed while I was away in Australia.
She was correct and I now see how easily forgiveness can come when you realize that past hurts do not remotely compare to those you would feel if you were to lose that person without forgiving them and showing them love. The perspective that you gain when you know their passing is imminent is unlike anything I have experienced before. Gary has no love lost with my father but he has played an incredible role in this situation. He visited with my father and wanted him to know that he would not let him die alone. This is amazing. I see God through Gary in this situation because he genuinely cares and has empathy for my father. My mom has been so instrumental and hurts for my father's condition. She has been able to put all of her hurt aside to bring comfort to my father. The example I have seen of Christ's love through them is something I am so incredibly thankful for and am beyond grateful that Christ is in the middle of this situation. He is being gloried in every way.
No situation is hopeless. Even if you already know the outcome is going to be painful, it doesn't mean that God isn't working through it to bring love and peace to those who love Him. I want to encourage anyone reading this to press through. To know that yes tears and hurt will come but resolution and a new beginning can be present as well. That regardless of circumstance God will be glorified and that is comfort reaches far beyond guarding your heart. His comfort also brings forth a new joy and understanding about life.
If you are presented with a situation comparable, or not, to this in the future, please don't be hesitant to forgive. Please don't be hesitant to know that we were created to love and care for one another. People are fallen and are given horrible circumstances that, at times, can not be conquered on ones own. Life is too short to hold grudges and to turn a blind eye to those in need because of our own bitterness. God is the conquerer. Let Him lead you to a new understanding and be confident in the fact that He will surprise you by how he can completely manifest himself through others.
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Is it strange that I am writing my family letters to read if something happens to me after I leave for Sydney? I think my biggest fear would be a plane crash, but hey, I could get cancer or get hit by a car over there, too. So I wrote my parents a "Just in Case" letter with instructions about what to do with my stuff and how to handle a memorial service, etc. It was soooo sooo soo strange to write it, and I felt paranoid the whole time.
Honestly, I know I shouldn't have a real fear of death, but the plane ride is making me nervous. And given my Dad's history of sending Forrest and I "Just in Case" letters every time he and mom get on a plane, I figured I would return the favor. I am also giong to write all three of them individual letters to settle some issues between us, and to let them know what they mean to me, and of course to reassure them that I am in heaven with Jesus, which would be totally awesome (just hopefully not yet please!).
I could just say all this stuff to their face, and I probably will, but I'm hoping that if something were to happen to me on this journey, a letter like that would be a great comfort. What do you all think? Crazy or thoughtful?
19 days until I step onto the first of the 4 planes that's going to get me to Sydney!
~Aislinn
Honestly, I know I shouldn't have a real fear of death, but the plane ride is making me nervous. And given my Dad's history of sending Forrest and I "Just in Case" letters every time he and mom get on a plane, I figured I would return the favor. I am also giong to write all three of them individual letters to settle some issues between us, and to let them know what they mean to me, and of course to reassure them that I am in heaven with Jesus, which would be totally awesome (just hopefully not yet please!).
I could just say all this stuff to their face, and I probably will, but I'm hoping that if something were to happen to me on this journey, a letter like that would be a great comfort. What do you all think? Crazy or thoughtful?
19 days until I step onto the first of the 4 planes that's going to get me to Sydney!
~Aislinn
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Well. I have had a frustrating past few weeks, to say the least. If there's anyone out there who is unaware of the process in moving internationally, you not only have to have a passport, but a visa. For short term travel that's not always necessary but in my case it is. So, I was told by some people at HILC through facebook (MISTAKE #1, btw- do NOT get your info from people on facebook!) that I needed to go online, print out a paper application and mail it in to the US/ AUS embassy in Washington DC 5-6 months before I was going to leave to give them ample time to process said application. So, way back in October, I mailed in my application (MISTAKE #2- mail it in 4 months before and you'll be fine! MISTAKE #3: do it online, and you'll get approved in 24 hours!). They charged my credit card on October 7th, and then in December I got a call from my case officer stating that the visa couldn't be processed until 90 days from the date my classes started. That meant that they couldn't begin to make a decision until April 19th.
So April 19th came and went, and I got nervous and called the visa services information hotline. I was told that they hadn't opened my visa, but expected to soon, and that when they did open the application for processing, it would take a maximum of 20 days. (MISTAKE #4: I did not ask them to contact me when the visa was opened for processing.) I asked why the processing hadn't been started since I had been given this specific date by my caseworker, and they said "Oh, I can't see anything wrong with the application, so I don't really know..but we'll be in contact." So, I waited 20 business days and heard nothing.
I then called the hotline back and got some person who barely spoke English who said that the application was "still in processing" but that she couldn't tell me how long it had been in processing or when a decision would be made. I asked her to have my case officer call me, because at that point, it was the end of May and I had about 4 weeks until I got on a plane. SCARY! (MISTAKE #5: I didn't ask for my case officer's information to contact him directly...and MISTAKE 6: I lost his name and phone number even though he'd called me in December). I informed the person I was speaking to that I needed to let the case officer know my travel plans, because I am leaving 2 weeks before courses start. They were running on the assumption that they had 6 weeks to approve it, but they really had around 4. (MISTAKE 7: I didn't include travel dates on my application because I filled it out before I bought my airline ticket- it goes along with doing it too early.)
So I got an email on May 28th saying that within 2 business days my case officer would contact me. Well, even with Memorial Day thrown in there, I got nothing from my case officer. So, I sent an email to the Department of Immigration and Migration services in North America threatening to call my state representative if I didn't get an answer or even just some sort of communication from my case officer.
Today, I called the hotline again at 3:30 pm. I talked to a woman who acted very annoyed with me, saying they had already notified my case officer of my concerns and that "The embassy is aware of your situation; now all we can do is wait because we have a high volume of student applications this time of year." Well, that was utter crap! So I asked if I could please get a refund and cancel the paper process, allowing me to start an online visa application. Robin did hers online and got approved in 24 hours. The lady on the phone told me that while they could cancel my visa application, my money was non-refundable. At this point I was beyond angry. I told her I was going to call my state representative if I didn't hear from my case worker by tomorrow. She said, "I understand your nervousness but that is our policy." And we hung up.
I then emailed HILC to see if anyone over there knew someone in the Embassy that could get the process rolling for me, and I began typing an email to my US-TX state representative. Literally, as I sent the email out to HILC, right before I sent one to my rep in DC, I got an email from my case worker approving my visa.
8 months, $450, 4 phone calls and 3 emails, and 2 threats later, I finally got my visa.
Was it a coincidence that 2 hours after I b****** out the phone operator and sent a threatening email to the Department of Immigration and Migration I suddenly got approved? After 8 months with NO contact from the DIAM? I don't think so.
The moral of the story, young ones, is just do your visa application online and save yourself the worry.
So April 19th came and went, and I got nervous and called the visa services information hotline. I was told that they hadn't opened my visa, but expected to soon, and that when they did open the application for processing, it would take a maximum of 20 days. (MISTAKE #4: I did not ask them to contact me when the visa was opened for processing.) I asked why the processing hadn't been started since I had been given this specific date by my caseworker, and they said "Oh, I can't see anything wrong with the application, so I don't really know..but we'll be in contact." So, I waited 20 business days and heard nothing.
I then called the hotline back and got some person who barely spoke English who said that the application was "still in processing" but that she couldn't tell me how long it had been in processing or when a decision would be made. I asked her to have my case officer call me, because at that point, it was the end of May and I had about 4 weeks until I got on a plane. SCARY! (MISTAKE #5: I didn't ask for my case officer's information to contact him directly...and MISTAKE 6: I lost his name and phone number even though he'd called me in December). I informed the person I was speaking to that I needed to let the case officer know my travel plans, because I am leaving 2 weeks before courses start. They were running on the assumption that they had 6 weeks to approve it, but they really had around 4. (MISTAKE 7: I didn't include travel dates on my application because I filled it out before I bought my airline ticket- it goes along with doing it too early.)
So I got an email on May 28th saying that within 2 business days my case officer would contact me. Well, even with Memorial Day thrown in there, I got nothing from my case officer. So, I sent an email to the Department of Immigration and Migration services in North America threatening to call my state representative if I didn't get an answer or even just some sort of communication from my case officer.
Today, I called the hotline again at 3:30 pm. I talked to a woman who acted very annoyed with me, saying they had already notified my case officer of my concerns and that "The embassy is aware of your situation; now all we can do is wait because we have a high volume of student applications this time of year." Well, that was utter crap! So I asked if I could please get a refund and cancel the paper process, allowing me to start an online visa application. Robin did hers online and got approved in 24 hours. The lady on the phone told me that while they could cancel my visa application, my money was non-refundable. At this point I was beyond angry. I told her I was going to call my state representative if I didn't hear from my case worker by tomorrow. She said, "I understand your nervousness but that is our policy." And we hung up.
I then emailed HILC to see if anyone over there knew someone in the Embassy that could get the process rolling for me, and I began typing an email to my US-TX state representative. Literally, as I sent the email out to HILC, right before I sent one to my rep in DC, I got an email from my case worker approving my visa.
8 months, $450, 4 phone calls and 3 emails, and 2 threats later, I finally got my visa.
Was it a coincidence that 2 hours after I b****** out the phone operator and sent a threatening email to the Department of Immigration and Migration I suddenly got approved? After 8 months with NO contact from the DIAM? I don't think so.
The moral of the story, young ones, is just do your visa application online and save yourself the worry.
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