Two Yanks In Oz

I am at the point where I truly feel planted in this church and in this city. Yesterday as I was coming home from work, I looked around me and really felt like I was part of the scene. I got off the bus by the Queen Victoria Building to catch my train home, and I looked like every other Sydney-ian (ite?) there. I had my headphones in, I had a coffee in hand and I was darting in front of buses before the walk signs were green in order to catch the train. I was even wearing all Australian-purchased clothing. And I thought, the great thing is, I actually know where I am and where I'm going. I never thought I would know where I was in the Sydney CBD- it's so big and there's so many people- but I finally feel like I could never get lost there.

It's sort of like that at church too. At first when I came I was overwhelmed with the amount of people in this church. A person could easily get lost there if they let themselves. I'm not saying that the Hillsong community doesn't reach out, because they certainly do. They do their best to connect everyone. I've never seen it work better than at Hillsong, despite the size. I'm simply saying that because of the sheer volume of people in the auditorium each week, it's easy to remain anonymous if you truly don't want to become planted. But fortunately for me, I'm in college and college students are who the church depends on to run (I'm only repeating what I hear from pastors. :) ) there was no way I was getting lost. I got planted into several different ministries really fast. But out of my connections here, I've gotten to do some really fun stuff in the last few weeks. Here is a condensed list:

- I'm in Christmas Spectacular. And just like Hillsong's church body, this production is HUGE. We have 10 performances in Sydney alone- it involves video, audio recordings, huge sets, full costumes, a cast of over 35 people AND sold out shows in both campuses every night already. I'm a character who has lines and solos in multiple scenes, so I was in the recording studio for 6 hours the other night (yes. Hillsong has multiple recording locations on campus.) recording not only chorus parts, but my solo bits as well. It's been really fun.

- I got to be in "choir" for the live album recording. Even though they overdub most of the sound in the studio and then layer it on top the live recording, my smiling face will still be on the DVD right behind Nigel, the guitarist's, feet. Look for it. Also, my voice is on the DVD extras section speaking over some footage talking about what worship means to me.

-I got asked to record album overdubs. My vocal trainer Sheila (who is on stage in the DVD by the way.) asked me if I'd like to do choral overdubs for album. I went the other night and there was a group of about 30 of us. We stood in a circle in the chapel around a huge microphone and sang through the songs together, recording all the harmonies as well. So if you're buying the new album and you hear a really lovely blended choir part with harmonies you're hearing the 30 of us! And yes, it took forever- about an hour per song.

- I went to Thanksgiving at Brian and Bobbie's house. All the Americans and Canadians were invited for a day at the river, and they made us a really lovely meal (hey. It wasn't the best Thanksgiving meal in the world, but they really tried to make traditional foods. It was sweet). There was music, hammocks, boats, a rope swing, volleyball, and even a game of American football. It was nice. I got sunburned and I actually didn't mind.

- The other day when I was walking home, the recording engineer from the studio saw me and gave me a ride to her house, where the family she lives with was having a real American Thanksgiving. There were all sorts of traditional homemade foods there- even cornbread dressing! And we learned about Joshua House in Ukraine. They took up a mission offering for it and I think they did really well.

- Grad dinner was Thursday night, and we went and had a ball. Great food, good music, and tons of pictures. Then afterwords, a bunch of us from Hills and City campuses decided to go salsa dancing. We walked to a club on Darling Harbour that had free admission on Thursday nights and danced until the late hours of the morning. After we left, we hit up a 24 hour Maccas on the way home and then fell asleep in our beds as the sun was rising. I never do anything like that, but I feel comfortable to do it here with these people and it was so much fun.


I've been praying for some provision over break, something extra on top of my normal work. After spending days sending out my resume, my current employer asked me yesterday if I wanted extra days. So it looks like I will be doing Mondays and Tuesdays in December, maybe January. If I start saving now, I could be able to pay tuition for a 3rd semester....

Well. I am leaving now to get ready for Christmas. Going to get decorations and small presents for people. Also going to find my cookie recipe for tomorrow's cookie making party at a friends' house. Robin's parents are here for 2 weeks, so I may meet up with them later.

I hope everyone else began their Christmas season with as much fun and joy as we're having around here!

Love,
Aislinn

I remember living in Texas and thinking to myself every time I passed a bus downtown, "Damn, I'm so glad I'll never have to ride one of those!" Capitol Metro has a stigma of being the transport of choice for the homeless, dangerous, high or otherwise inebriated economically disadvantaged person- or UT students. None of which was me, so I never thought I'd have to learn to use the bus system. Plus, the buses at home only run in certain areas- definitely not into the more suburban neighborhoods. You might say the bus routes cater to the aforementioned crowd.

However, in Sydney, it's completely different. I have no car here. I can walk to school and the grocery store (if I'm not getting more than two or three bags worth of food) but if I want to go to the mall, post office, movies, or maybe even to a friend's house that doesn't live in Glenwood, then I need to take the bus. At first this was fine- I would maybe take the bus once or twice a month. However, since I started working in Balmain, which is across the Sydney Harbor on the inner west side and a good 40 Ks from my house- I need to take the bus once, sometimes twice, a week. Actually, I take a bus, then a train, then another bus. Both ways. Total each way? 1.5-2 hours on transport- depending on the day of the week (weekends are slower) and if the buses are on time.

My morning, when taking transportation, looks somewhat like this:
6:45 am- wake up, shower, pack lunch, dress, eat breakfast, make sure I have my wallet/ ipod and book, and run out the door.
7:52 am- catch the T65 to Parramatta at the T-Way station behind my house (thank god for a close bus stop!)
8:30 am- arrive at Parramatta, where I run down the stairs to my right into the train station.
8:35 am- board a train from platform 1 to Town Hall station (Downtown Sydney in the Queen Victoria Building)
9:08 am- arrive at the QVB; go up into the light and run across a MASSIVE intersection to the York St. Bus Stand B
9:17 am- catch the 442 to Balmain from York Stand B
9:28 am- get dropped at Balmain Town Hall; walk 3 minutes to work.
9:31 am- arrive at work.

And then when I leave at 6, I do it all over again. Now, there's a good chunk of time (especially at night) when I just sit around waiting for the bus. For example, if the train from Town Hall back to Parramatta runs slow, I'll miss the 7:10 bus back to Glenwood and have to wait for the 7:40 bus. Not good. So, I definitely run for my life to try to catch buses and trains.

Now the funny thing about Sydney's transport is that it seems like everyone uses it. I've seen men in business suits going to the City; old grandmas with their shopping, young moms with strollers, kids going to school in their uniforms (no school busses here- they just all get a free pass to ride the city buses). I'm not in the least bit intimidated to ride the buses here. They're generally clean. Sometimes they're old, but clean. Sometimes they're so full I have to stand. EVERYTIME I ride the train down into the City in the mornings, I stand the whole way.

I think my favorite part of the journey would be Chinese Santa. He drives the T65 in the mornings. Everytime someone gets on the bus, he shouts "Merry Christmas! Ho Ho Ho!" in his Chinese accent. He plays Christmas music over the radio and yells out the doors as he passes stops, "You want my bus? Christmas Express here!" It's so funny to watch the way people on the bus react. Some people ignore it, some laugh, some look at everyone else to see what they're doing. When we get off the bus, he always yells, "Take valuables, take you bags, you papers, you umblellas- Or else I give away! Ho Ho Ho!" Man, it makes for a fun ride. :)

The trains are a little scarier than the bus because for some reason more people who are obviously drunk or high get on the trains. I think it's easier to get on and off a massive 8 car train than a small bus without being noticed. Plus you could potentially get one ticket for a train; and ride trains all day- as long as you didn't try to go back out through the stations you wouldn't have to present a ticket or buy another one to re-board. Let's just say I'd never take my laptop on the train, or sleep, like I see some people doing. On the other hand, if you don't know where you're going, the train is easier than the bus because it stops at every station and announces the station over an intercom- unlike the bus where you just have to know your stop and push the button.

Since I've been taking the same route for about 2 months now, I've got it down pretty well. I am sort of interested to see what my family thinks of our lovely public transport when they come visit at the end of next month. My mom's reaction to the trains should be fun.

Well, that's all for now.

Chow!

How many of us would say we always truly believed in faith that God would respond to our prayers? I sure can't say that. How many times have I prayed for something only to wait on an answer that never seems to come?

I think because I am learning to pray in a way that is honoring to God, using the Word in my prayers, and staking my claim on faith, God is finally "proving" to me that He really does hear our prayers.

After all in 1 Peter 3:12 it says that "His eyes are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayers."

Now...righteous simply means that you are in right standing with God. Not that you are perfect, or never make mistakes, or hold yourself above others. Simply that because you love and wish to honor God, you make right choices to please Him. That's all.

Once I figured out that for most of my life I haven't really been righteous, I decided to be open to a response from God in my prayer life now. It was like...click! "Oh...yeah. Um, I feel like I've only been 'righteous' for maybe a year. That may be why I seem to be noticing more leading from the Spirit and more tangible answers to prayers."


Since I've been in college here, my mind has been opened to the possibility that God really does tangibly move in everyday life- and a few of my nudges from the Spirit have even been validated by other people who have had the same nudge! Pretty cool stuff for a Methodist.

God is breaking down my dis-trust in Him. He's totally proving to me that He hears my prayers, and He wants me to know He's going to take care of me.

For example,two nights ago I decided, after prayer, that I should pay my tuition for January semester. I didn't have the money yet and wasn't planning on paying it until January after I saved up from my job. But unfortunately, the USD dropped in value and the AUS dollar will be worth more than the greenback soon (so say the experts). Because I'm paying tuition out of my American savings account, if I wait until January, I may be paying more in greenbacks than I had budgeted because $2600 AUS dollars will no longer equal $2200 USD but maybe up to $2800 USD. Right now they're about equal, so I just decided to go ahead and pay up.

I paid tuition on Tuesday. Monday night, after I made the decision, realizing that I'd only have a few hundred dollars to my name if I did it, I prayed to God, thanking Him that He was Jehovah Jireh (God our Provider) and that He had me in his hand (Isaiah 49:16) and that He would work all things for my Good (Romans 8:28) and left it at that.

The next day, I paid my tuition and went to Spirit Filled Living class. We talked about divine healing that day. After class, we laid hands on classmates who needed healing in any area of life: physical, emotional, relational, financial...I didn't raise my hand because I didn't feel a move to do so.

After we were done praying, a girl named Beth that I've only spent time with once here came up to me with a strange look on her face. She started asking me a bunch of questions like, did I have a job? How often was I working and was it enough? I was answering her, thinking..there's got to be something else going on here. I told her how I had just paid my tuition that day and was sort of nervous about finances.

She started to get teary eyed, saying she wasn't sure if she'd heard correctly, and since I hadn't raised my hand she hadn't known- but that after talking to me she was validated. Apparently God had put my name on her heart the night before (right when I'd been praying for provision!) and she reached into her wallet and handed me a $50 bill. That's a lot to give up for a student- I don't know if I would have done it!

$50 isn't going to pay my way here, but it will pay for me to get to and from work for 2 days using public transit. That typically comes out of my pay, so to be able to hang on to that money will be such a blessing. And if she hadn't been open to God's voice during her own prayer time, I would have never had the $50.

God basically answered a prayer the morning after I prayed it with reassurance that He was going to take care of me- bit by bit, giving me just what I needed at the moment, like when He sent manna from heaven to the Hebrews. Just enough for the day.

That's only one of the examples of things that have happened either to me or to a close friend here. I may be really low on funds, but I'm actually not worried about it anymore. I have taken it to God in prayer and petition, thanked Him for what He's done- and now I know He is going to take care of it.

Brothers and Sisters- I think that prayer and God's answers or lack thereof is one of the main reasons we fall away from God. We don't hear what we want to hear; or we miss the answer. OR we're not righteous perhaps. Maybe we're just not truly believing that God can and will hear and take care of us.

I want to encourage everyone that He will- simple as that. I am someone who never really believed it before I started making a conscious effort to trust, obey and align my life to God's values, which have become mine.

God will answer the prayers he chooses to answer- so am I saying that if you are in a place of mis-trust and uncertainty He won't help you? No. What I AM saying is that once you put forth the effort and gain the desire to live in honor of God, you'll see His blessings in a much more frequent and obvious way.

Be blessed!
~Aislinn

A few friends have told me I should start writing down a weekly recipe for good, cheap meals that are nutritious and can be made in bulk. I'm not saying I'm that great at cooking on a budget- but I definitely learned a few tricks when I got here and had a food budget of $150/ month ( and, for example, four chicken breasts will cost around $14.00 pre-packaged like we're used to in the States)!

First though, let me share the things I've learned while grocery shopping here.
#1: ALL the food is going to be 1.5-3 times more expensive than in the United States and it doesn't help to complain- so adjusting the grocery list and learning to use the local, cheaper items is the best option.

#2: Buying non-refrigerated eggs is less expensive ( at first it grossed me out, but apparently the USA is one of the few countries that only sells eggs in the refrigerated section).

#3: Long life milk. It's $1.00 per liter and yes, it's not cold. BUT before you drink it, just pop it in the fridge for a day and it tastes like the normal thing- especially when you consider that regular cold milk can be around $3/ liter.

#4: Canned veggies and huge packages of ground beef or chicken are your best friend. Get the meat that's on price cut- if you freeze it it will last for a long time; and if you mix some canned veggies, meat and rice w/ chicken stock, you have 3 days worth of stew/ soup for cheap.

#5: Speaking of rice, it's my best friend here. That and $0.59 spaghetti.

#6: Buy Coles/ Woolworths brand. Don't be too proud to buy the store brand. It will save your life.

#7: Bread is always on sale. So buy it in bulk and freeze it.

#8: SALE SALE SALE~ every day, the stores have things on sale- including staple items. I always buy things with the yellow price cut sticker on them. It takes some time to go through the store and plan a menu around what's on sale but it's worth it. You can also keep the coupons that come in the mail for the weekly sales and plan menus around those.

#9: Buy Aussie brands. I know we love Ritz and Oreo, but Jatz and TimTams are way cheaper because they don't have to be imported...so get over it and try a new product.

#10: Produce. Only buy what you can eat that week so it doesn't spoil; that's just wasted money.

10 Things that are always in my pantry:
Flour
Eggs
Oil
Rice
Spaghetti
Cans of 4 bean mix
Diced tomatoes
Sugar
Cereal
Peanut Butter

Essential/ versatile spices and other materials:
Baking powder and soda
Cinnamon
Italian Herbs
Salt
Pepper
Garlic (powder's good but I buy a huge jar of minced- it's the size of Jelly jar and actually less expensive than minced in the US)
Ginger (root is cheap but dried is good too)
Onion powder
Cayenne pepper
lemon juice

Of course at the beginning of the month there are other things in the pantry. But if I only had those things, I could survive until the next paycheck.

Here's the recipe. I made it tonight and have calculated the cost. It made 4 servings, so I think I'm getting a good deal.

2 boneless skinless chicken breasts $6.00 ( around $10/ kilo from the deli but tonight I had to buy pre-packed)
1 green pepper $0.80
2 ears of corn $2.00 ( the package of 4 was on sale the other day for around $4.00)
1 ginger root $1.00
Spoonful of minced garlic ...minimal
Salt, pepper and lemon juice to taste

Bake the chicken breasts at 180 C (350 F) for 30 minutes. Put them in a shallow pan with a little water in the bottom; cover with foil
Dice the whole green pepper. Shuck the ears of corn; put them in the microwave for 2 minutes.
Slice the kernals of corn off the cobs.
Put the green pepper and the corn in a stir fry pan.
Peel the ginger root and grate about half of it over the pepper and corn. You can put the rest in the fridge and use it in other asian dishes or even in pancakes, tea, cookies or on sandwiches.
When the chicken is done, take the breasts out of the pan and use 2 forks to gently shred the meat. Then pour the chicken into the stir fry pan and turn the heat on medium high.
Once the veggies and chicken have started to cook, add about a tablespoon of minced garlic.
Let the chicken become golden, then remove from heat. Let cool.
Once cool, add lemon juice and salt to taste.
I also added a little Cayenne pepper because I like spicy.

This makes a really good lunch salad. I'll be eating it for a while because it makes about 3 cups of salad and I don't need that much at once.

I would also like to add that I still had 2 ears of corn and 2 chicken breasts after I made this, so you can easily make a whole mess more.
And for 4 meals the total cost would be: $9.80 (let's round it to $10 to include the spices)
So for each serving, the cost is $2.50.
Not bad!
It's really good with some fresh fruit too. It's also better to let it chill overnight and then eat it. It's kind of ucky warm. :)

Enjoy!

<3

Alright folks. For the most part, it's been super easy to transition into life here. Most of that is because we moved to another English speaking country. However, just because we all speak English doesn't mean that every word or phrase is the same. Here are the things that Robin and I hear most often (I'm sure if we were in a less international area we would hear more):

Reckon=think. as in, "I reckon that's a good idea."
Heaps= a lot. as in, "I have heaps of laundry to do!"
Wog= a very bad word...usually meaning an immigrant from Greek or Italian descent.
Ranga= also a bad word...it's what they call gingers (red heads)..you know, like Orangatang.
Lift= elevator
Good onya= well done- usually said to a friend or peer
Shockin'= crappy. " That was such a shockin' restraunt."
Lollies= hard candy (not chocolate)
Ice Lolly= popsicle
Jelly= Gelatin
Jam= Jelly
Macca's= McDonalds
Bench= counter top. " Hey, can you wipe the bench for me?" ( When my boss asked me to do this I seriously stood in her kitchen looking for a bench and asked her where it was...she looked at me like I was nuts.)
Capsicum= pepper. " I think I'll cut up some green capsicums for the salad."
Meusli= granola.
Toilet= the whole restroom.
Grog= liquor
Arvo= afternoon
Beautiful= delicious, enjoyable. " That piece of steak was beautiful!"
Bogan= slob. " She probably didn't shower today~ she looks like a bogan!"
Mozzie= mosquito
I'm pissed= I'm drunk. (whoops...that's definitely one I've had to train myself not to say. :) )
Bush= country. Anywhere that's not in the city.
Crack onto someone= hit on someone.
Feral= wild or horribly misbehaving. " That little boy is being so feral, I just want to slap him!"
Uni= University (college can mean high school here)
Winge= whine/ complain
Footy= Australian Rules Football ( Rugby.)

With Love,
Aislinn Deviney

Hi everyone!

Just thought I'd share a little bit about fieldwork and church life. Hillsong mixes classes with practical experience. For example, I have a class in music excellence and woship band, AND a worship band workshop where we actually divide into bands and play together. Actually, right now we're working on our "culture group" assignment- we're split into groups of 4, and each group has a different culture to create a 20 minute worship set for. Next week we have to perform it. And this past week, we performed songs that were assigned by our trainers. So, since HILC is all about working in real ministry environments, every student is assigned two/ three ministries within the church to serve in throughout the school year. There is one ministry during the week, and on weekends, one ministry per church service, for two services. For some people, they serve in the same ministry for both services. For me, they're different.

Your fieldwork is a ministry that has something to do with your "field" of study. For me, and a lot of other vocal majors, that's choir. Many instrumentalists get placed in production for their fieldwork. Pastoral students get placed all over the place- people doing pastoral studies with an emphasis in events get placed in the events team, youth emphasis people serve in youth, etc. Some people's fieldwork happens during the week (like the youth services) and some happens on weekends (like choir for main services). My fieldwork is on Sunday nights. I get to church at 3:30 and we all warm up together, then we go into the auditorium and get up on stage, arrange ourselves and rehearse with the band/team. We are usually done rehearsing at 4:45, so we go upstairs to the green room and there's another team of students doing THEIR church life/ fieldwork making food for us. So we eat and then go down to start service at 5:30. We sing on stage behind the band and help engage the church in worship. Then, once the set is finished, we exit the stage to enjoy the service. Pretty easy field work! Your field work has to be signed off for each week in a little booklet they give you called a passport. Your "specialist" (a core church member in your ministry assigned to keep track of you, basically) signs the boxes for each week so you can get credit, then evaluates your performance at the end of the semester.

Church life is different- this ministry or ministries can be in any area of the church. I think each ministry that needs volunteers lets college office know, and they randomly divide people up. For example, even though Robin is a vocal music major here, her church life is college sales. She calls people all over the world who have expressed interest in HILC and talks to them about college life. On weekends, her church life is choir, and so is her fieldwork (she's a lucky one who got two services in the same ministry!).
For me, my weekend church life is Stage Managing. I help make sure everything going on on the platform happens smoothly each Saturday night service. I've carried things on and off, gotten water for people, etc. I get to wear a radio, so that's awesome. And it's a learning experience because I can hear everyone who is working behind the scenes to pull of the service talking to each other.
During the week, my church life is Youth Alive. Youth Alive puts on the biggest youth conference in Australia each year, right here in Sydney, called Big Exo Day. It's happening tomorrow in the Sydney Olympic Park, and everyone in the office has been working really hard to pull it together. They're expecting around 15,000 youth from all over the state! I'm in charge of the merchandise team, so I've been getting myself in gear to keep track of products and money and volunteers- I had my "training" last night and I feel pretty good about it. I've got my spreadsheets and price lists and I got to help choose some of the merchandise we're selling, so that's cool.
With church life, it's something you're placed in that you may not really have a heart for. So it's really important that we learn to have a servant mentality and humility about us, because we can all learn even if we're not in the place we think we want to be. I kind of freaked out when I got stage managing because I thought I couldn't do it, and now I'm actually really enjoying it.

No one signs off on your church life, so technically it's not graded like fieldwork is. But trust me- it's just as involved and people will keep tabs on you, their volunteer! It certainly makes for a busy week/ weekend. It's pretty awesome to look around on any given weekend and realize that Hillsong Church ministries really depend on college students. Half or even all of every team I'm on is comprised of students. It makes me feel very needed, and for me, need= value. So I feel valued here.

I hope everyone at home had a lovely week- in other news, I just got a job as a nanny! Pray for me! :)


Cheers everyone!
Aislinn

I promise I won't do this very often- however, today's NT lecture caught me totally off guard. It happened at around 9:30 am this morning and I am still thinking about it!

Today we began looking at how to read parables. What was the purpose of parables? How do we dissect them to really understand the impact they would have had on their audience, and why Jesus chose those particular stories at those particular times?

We first talked about how most people think of parables as allegories. "So when Jesus was talking about this, he REALLY meant this...." No, he didn't. He meant exactly what he said. Parables, according to Duncan Corby (our lecturer) are not allegories, they are literal. And they are purposefully literal. Think about the times you've tried to "analyze what Jesus really meant" and gotten really confused- and you have centuries of Christian tradition and knowledge on your side. The people listening to Jesus didn't understand the things that we understand. There's no way they would have understood things like the kingdom of heaven, redemption, and forgiveness of sins- they lived in a society where the way to God was to keep his law and remain pure. Especially the Pharisees, who prided themselves on being good jews- and throwing the "not clean" Jews out of the country (or killing them) so they could be ready to enter God's kingdom. So Jesus speaks to them in terms they understand. Therefore, you have farmers, slave owners, people at weddings, etc. Literally.

The second thing is, Jesus wasn't using the parables as an illustration for a lesson he hoped they would learn and take to heart. He was telling the stories to provoke a reaction from his audience, and maybe cause change. It wasn't the Sunday School Bible hour with Jesus; Or the Let's Be Good People hour; it was the Hey...Let's Look at Where You Have Misinterpreted Who God Is..and Why You Are Wrong hour. He meant business.

So Jesus sets up the story like any good joke. In a good joke, you get a pattern going...for example,
"Sam gets up to heaven and starts walking around. He sees his friend Bill with an UGLY woman on his arm. He says, God, what is this? God says, Well, that's Bill, my faithful servant. Sam says, If he was so faithful, what's with the ugly woman? God says, Well, he sinned once, and that's his punishment...
Then Sam sees his friend George, with an UGLY woman on his arm. Sam says, Hey God...what's up with the ugly woman? God says, Well, that's my child and mighty man of God George...but he sinned once, so that's his punishment.
Then Sam sees his friend Bob. Bob is walking around with a BEAUTIFUL woman on his arm. And Sam says, Ok God...I KNOW Bob sinned at least once! And God says, Well, that's my faithful servant Jennifer, and she sinned once..." (courtesy of DC..I have no jokes on my own. :) )

So we've got a pattern and we think we know what's coming next when BAM! The storyline changes. For some reason that is either really funny or it really unsettles us.

So Jesus uses familiar terms and familiar places to set the scene and to set up patterns- then at the end of the parable, when the Pharisees think they know what's up, Jesus shakes things all around and basically calls out insecurities in the Pharisees (or makes them really mad. )

First of all, pretty much all of Jesus' parable telling was directed at the Pharisees, usually in response to a question or thought from one of them. ( Woman who anoints Jesus with oil; parable of the lost sheep, parable of new wine, etc) So we know he is talking to a very devout, religious group of men who are unsure of who Jesus is. Some of them think He could be a prophet so they're giving him a chance, while others are all for the crackpot option. It isn't until Jesus starts saying things like "I am the son of God", "Hey you..Yeah, I forgive your sins" and other blasphemous things that these guys start getting nervous.

So the parable we really discussed today was the Good Samaritan. So Jesus and the Pharisees are chatting it up, and one of them says, "Hey Jesus...how do I get into the Kingdom of God?" And Jesus is like, "Well, you're a Pharisee...what does the law say?" And the Pharisee says, "Love the Lord your God and love your neighbor." Jesus says, "Bingo! You're right." The Pharisee tries to justify himself here. I think because he, being a teacher of the law, didn't feel it necessary to show love to those who were sinning and making Israel unclean. At that time, people ate and socialized with their social equal- so for a Pharisee to give attention or aid to someone who was a sinner was like lowering themselves to the sinner's level. So he wants Jesus to say it's ok. So he asks, "Hey Jesus, who counts as my neighbor?" And Jesus launches into the parable of the Good Samaritan. If you've never read it, it's in Luke 10:25-37. Now from here on out, I'm copying and pasting my notes from the morning:

The Good Samaritan
• Luke 10:25- 37 Identify the Audience
o Audience= teacher of the law (Pharisee)
• Jews and Samaritans do not get along (political and religious animosity)
• Pharisees hate priests (Levites)
• Pharisees are into good deeds
--Jesus sets the story up so the Pharisees understand. They would have automatically agreed that a man walking by himself down a road could easily be mugged and beaten- kind of like how we today think, in the back of our minds, that women who walk in dark parking lots at night have a good chance of being hurt.
--First we see a priest walk by the man who needs help. The pharisees do not like priests, because priests often exploited the temple to earn money. So when the priest doesn't stop, the Pharisees are probably like, "Yeah...priests suck...no way any priest would ever stop to help!"
--Same thing with the Levite, who was basically a priest.
--When Jesus talks about the 3rd man, they probably expected it to be a Pharisee- but no, it's a Samaritan, they very people Pharisees hate most of all. Samaritans claimed THEY were the true people of God. How could anything good come from a Samaritan?

o Maybe it’s not about doing good to your neighbor….maybe it’s about who you hate in your heart of hearts, and what you’re going to do about it.
o God’s concerned with the state of our heart- if we hate someone, how are we going to relate with them?
--For example, if I said the story was set in modern day Australia and it was a Christian stranded on the road, and the only person who would help was a man who ran an abortion clinic, how would you feel about that?
Or if we were in America, and it was a Christian stranded, and I said the only person who helped was a fundamentalist Muslim? Or an illegal immigrant from Mexico? (Stereotypes aside)
If it was you stranded, and the very person you hated most in the world offered to help you, would you take the help?

o We need to expose the hatred so we can discover that we need Jesus.
We need to realize that Jesus/ God loves everyone..EVERYONE. And we are not better because we act like a Christian and keep the law- it's what's in our hearts; our love toward our God and our neighbor, that counts.

Hillsong Church does a month or two of what's called "Sunday Night Live" every so often, and we are right in the middle of them. Basically, it's just a church service with the message presented in a creative way. That could mean music, dance, artwork, drama, video, testimony among other things. Tonight's was something that particularly stuck with me. I can't remember all of it- but the message was clear: God will never leave, or forsake us- no matter what we experience here on Earth, God is with us and we can expect beautiful things in the life to come.

There were 3 really great video testimonies of people who experienced some rough times and were now on the other side of those experiences, looking back and seeing God's hand in all of it. There was artwork, and speaking, and someone (who has a beautiful voice oh my goodness!) sang Kari Jobe's "You Are For Me" which made me cry. I posted the song on facebook but it's also on youtube if anyone doesn't know it.

The scripture that has really stayed with me throughout the night is this:

Sometimes we can hardly wait to move—and so we cry out in frustration. Compared to what's coming, living conditions around here seem like a stopover in an unfurnished shack, and we're tired of it! We've been given a glimpse of the real thing, our true home, our resurrection bodies! The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what's ahead. He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we'll never settle for less.
That's why we live with such good cheer. You won't see us drooping our heads or dragging our feet! Cramped conditions here don't get us down. They only remind us of the spacious living conditions ahead. It's what we trust in but don't yet see that keeps us going. ~ 2 Corinthians 5:2-8

So, I am not going to droop my head or drag my feet when I feel discouraged or alone. For example, when I feel fear because of my lack of finances, I will remember that God has good things to come for me. Someday, I won't have to worry anymore. And in the meantime, my faithfulness in him will come with an Earthly reward all in good time. I should be encouraged by the glory I will see someday, and I will never settle for less.

"Funds are low again, hallelujah! That means God trusts us and is willing to leave His reputation in our hands."~ CT Studd, Missionary to India.
Speaking of finances...:)

In other news, I was rostered for choir tonight. I get up to the stage and who is standing in front of me leading worship? Uh...Brooke Fraser. BROOKE FRASER...I had a little freak out moment. I mean Joel Houston was there too, but I was all about Brooke. If you know me, you know I have all her CDs memorized. You probably do too, if you've ever ridden in my car. But no worries, I didn't do anything embarrassing...just watched her like a crazed hawk while I was up on stage. I tried so hard to be in worship, I seriously did...I had to pray very hard for the Spirit to come upon me so I wasn't distracted, God forgive me.

Ok. I am going to bed. That was a very scattered blog post. Goodnight all!

Do you ever start talking with a point in mind, then keep rambling on, even though you know people are uncomfortable and bored, just because you can't seem to make it back around to your point? That happened to me today.
I was in my music excellence tutorial and we were talking about churches using contemporary music to speak to today's seeker, and why it might be more effective than traditional music. Our trainer asked us to give benefits and drawbacks of using fully notated music vs. chord charts. Somehow it turned into everyone around me talking about the freedom of chord charts vs. fully notated music, then it got into how it's easier to connect with a congregation if there's no music stand in front of you. So while we're talking about connecting more with the congregation, my mind's still on the subject of notation.
I personally cannot learn a song without seeing the vocal line physically written out. Ok, I can learn it, but it takes way less time for me to just look at it, play it on the piano once, listen to the recording and then boom I'm good to go. Then once I memorize it, I can still see the spacing and line in my head, so I know what notes to sing.
Anyway, I just piped up and said something along the lines of that in the middle of a completely different conversation, and the trainer was very gracious. He just re-directed the whole group because I think we'd all gone in a slightly different direction by that point...but I felt so bad. I mean, I just wanted to make a simple statement that some people, including me, really do need the notation and that it's not a bad thing to learn from that. Instead, I went on this rambling stroll about classical training and seeing notes and blah blah blah. Oh man. Luckily for me, people here don't judge. LOL. I think my biggest concern is looking like I don't think I need to learn. So not true! I am so ready to learn! I just learned a lot of other stuff before I came here and I'm trying to connect it all together.....

Something else I learned today was that as believers, when we pray, if we use God's word in our prayer,it's like we're letting God know that we know what He has promised us and that we truly believe He'll come through. So we pray, telling God the things we know of Him from His word, and then we only ask once because we know He has heard it and is working on it. Then the next time we pray, we can just thank Him for orchestrating things and for His perfect timing- we don't have to ask again and again. Just have faith that He's in in control of it and it will happen. That's something I've never heard before and it's definitely not something I was doing before. But I think I just found a new prayer style. Plus it will encourage me to get more into the Word.

Ummmm...that's all I can think of for now. We finally tried Vegemite and we took video so that may be up sometime if we can ever get our wireless to work properly. :)

Love to all!

As someone who's been in a church environment all my life, I can't tell you the exact moment when I really truly became a Christian. It was probably in the summer of 2008, to be honest. I think I knew God, and had been an extremely spiritual person until that point, but that summer completely broke me and it took forever to put the pieces back together.

Over the next year my life became a different picture. As Jesus worked on my heart and re-arranged me, He began to show me all the times I was wrong about Him. All the times I unfairly judged people. The times I told lies to get attention. The times I made people feel like they were not doing anything right; like they were not "good enough". And also the times that I twisted and manipulated people who needed God so that they would need me more. As if they ever could!

Of course, Jesus being who He is, He never left me feeling completely broken- He always walked me through it. Sure, there are some lingering feelings of guilt over things I really can't mend with people at this point, but I'm working through them.

He prepared my heart to come to Hillsong by wiping it clean of any notions or expectations of this place. And so I don't notice any sort of nervous thrill when someone famous walks by or says hello to me ( or helps me find the "loo"...LOL!) I'm just going with the flow and being part of this church.

But through being here and sitting through all these classes about teamwork and worship ministry, watching the way people treat each other with humility and respect and GENTLE words in times of correction, prayerfully considering every interaction, Jesus is breaking me more and more. Each day I have to learn new humility. The urge to be blunt with people, honest about their abilities, gifts, and talents is so overwhelming- and it's coming from a place of self-gratification. "If I can make them understand how bad they are at something, then they will understand how good I am at it!" This is probably the first time in my life I have been aware of how damaging I can be simply because I don't believe in myself.

I don't know how much more I can explain- I can simply say that our last lecture together last week was about "comparing". How we should never ever compare ourselves with others or base our perception of God's plans for us on what we see Him doing with our peers. And then there was a time of prophecy and prayer, and it was overwhelming for me to see. I have never felt so completely unjudged by people- and so "judged" by God all at once!

He's breaking my heart, you see. I keep praying to love people more, and He is first breaking my habit of automatically finding something to tuck away- something that person may not be perfect at- and use as a weapon later.

All I can say is God help me- right now I am feeling so sad for all of those people I have hurt in the name of Jesus. May all of you still come to know how very Good and Loving He is despite my treatment of you. The God I know now is not the God I represented even 2 years ago.

We've been living in our house in Sydney for a week and a half, and sometimes I feel like I'm only visiting. Other times I feel like I actually live here. Sometimes I forget that I'm not in America and sometimes it's very much in the foreground of my thoughts. It's not hard to get used to the culture here; the similarities are very numerous. The things that are different are small and fun to joke about. I've been pretty content, but then I'm reminded that I haven't had to deal with very many stressful things yet. Things like keeping up with course work.. or paying the massive bills at the end of each month...which I don't really have the money to do. Those are the times when I remember that I'm on the complete other side of the world from my family and if something happened, they really couldn't help me. And although I do know in my head that since God told me to come here He isn't going to abandon me, my stomach doesn't seem to get the message.

We've been into the city of Sydney down by the harbor and saw the opera house and drove over the bridge. We've had all sorts of local food and been walking around the shops. I've been to an art gallery (free admission of course!) and learned a little bit more about Australian history. But the thing that really struck me happened when we were at Bondi beach yesterday afternoon. When a person stands on their own coast line, they feel small and they can look into what seems like a distance forever long, but it is a familiar distance. The sky looks one way and the horizon line looks one way and even though that person is literally on the edge of their continent, they know where they are. When I was standing on the coastline yesterday, I saw a horizon whose shape and distance was so much longer and farther reaching than what I see in the gulf of Mexico at home. I saw water a completely different color and the sky looked like it had expanded. It may seem like two beaches would look the same, but the view is completely different. This coast is completely unfamiliar to me. It's so much wilder and more vast than our gulf. And when I remembered that standing on the beach meant that I was standing on the edge of Australia, I felt like I was just standing on the end of the world or something. I mean my feet aren't safely planted on the sand of my home anymore. I feel so far away and looking out over the water, the distance between myself and my home seems unbearably far. Australia is pretty much the farthest I can physically get from America without coming around the other side of the planet. It's sort of paradoxical because this country is like ours in many ways and like I said, sometimes it's easy to forget how far away we are.

That is why I am glad I live in the house that I do. There are seven people that will live here, and 4 of us are American. It was five Americans, but one of our roommates who just arrived last week has decided this isn't the right place for her and she is going back to America on Friday. It's a complicated situation and I won't explain it on this blog, but she feels like God is calling her back immediately. So now we have an empty room, but I know God will fill it with someone who will bless us.

The people that are here for sure will certainly be a blessing to us...it's already been amazing to hear about some of their life stories and the similarities to us they have. We have two roommates like I said, from America- Michele from Oklahoma and Julie from South Carolina. Both of them lost their fathers at age 11, and when they found out Robin had just lost her own father, they all formed an immediate bond I think. Both of them are our age and got their bachelor degrees at home before coming here. Michele is very calm and seems so steadfast in her faith. She has been the one to talk to me about God's plan and faithfulness to us and has been very reassuring when I allow the nerves to creep in. Julie kind of takes care of people physically..she feeds the boys in our brother house a lot it seems...or maybe I'm just seeing a lot of it because we are on break from school right now. :) She's very laid back and laughs a lot. She also has never ending patience when I ask questions about school life, since the school always waits until the last minute to tell us anything.

The other roommate I've gotten to know is Silje from Norway. She's 19 but she's really mature ( everyone here tells me Europeans gro up faster than Americans...actually, pretty much everyone grows up faster than Americans apparently) and she has a beautiful singing voice. She's been hanging out with Robin and I a lot because we're the newbies. I think she and I are similar in a lot of ways. Neither of us is incredibly social, but we've been making our best effort. :)

We have another roommate, Ilona, who is from The Netherlands. She's on holiday in Melbourne though so we haven't had the chance to get to know her.

We do have a "brother house" and those guys have either been over here or we've been over there what seems like almost every night since I've been here. I don't know how the tradition got started, but when we got here they told us they were adopting us since we now lived in the Kiss of Heaven house (yes...our house is named Kiss of Heaven. The house next door is also college housing and it's callled "Blessed") and that if we needed anything they would help out. They seem like good guys, even if the Aussies do make fun of Americans...it's all in good fun though.

We have been keeping busy over here, moving in and Skyping with people back home and seeing the sights. We've been at church twice and let me tell you...it's HUGE. Just last Sunday, we saw 29 people get baptized. It was amazing. Tomorrow we have orientation and our auditions for the worship stream. Yes that's right...I have to sing a Hillsong song in front of Hillsong worship trainers....it does make me a little nervous, but it's just to place us in the correct tutorial with other people who are at the same skill level. They keep emphasizing that it's very low pressure. However, I still want to give them all I've got! And we are also taking a music theory test, but I'm not worried about that. I'll put that OCU music education degree to use. :)

Even though I do sometimes feel keenly how far I am from home and I do miss it, I know that the Lord is with me. I feel a swell of peace wash over me to combat my nervous moments and I know that my family is alive and well somewhere on this earth 10,000 miles away and that I can contact them if I really need them. But still, it's hard to be 10,000 miles away..hopefully I will eventually get used to it here and feel that this place is my home for a while.

Please continue to pray for me as this journey of growth and change continues. Pray that the means to be able to live here will present themselves and that I will become equipped for whatever service the Lord is calling me into.

Blessings,
Aislinn

Yes! We made it! 4 flights, 2 train rides, 1 car ride and 30 hours later, we are here. We arrived last Wednesday (the 7th) and after an hour and a half trying to find the right train, we finally got onto platform 13 and headed out to the blue mountains.

We stayed with some lovely people for the last five days, and today we are at Hillsong waiting to sign our rent contracts and be shuttled to our house. We are living in the same house in a neighborhood called Glenwood, which they say is a 30 minute walk from the church. So we're going to be getting our exercise. The big blessing about this house is that it is fully furnished! I will feel so much more at home in this house because of that. Also, I'm glad we don't have to worry about buying furniture and renting appliances. Whew.

So far everyone in this country has been very nice. We were shocked that no customs employees raised their voices or commanded us to go anywhere- they very gently asked us to move left or right with a smile on their face, and the lady that searched my bags joked with me the whole time. The only gripe I have is that sometimes you have to ask for help instead of an employee offering. For example, in the train station, Robin and I lugged our 8 bags and my guitar all around, with train employees watching us the whole time, and none offered to help. We were clearly exasperated, tired and seriously confused- and they just sat and watched us struggle. However, when I asked people to direct us, they were more than willing to help. Interesting.

So far the food is similar in many ways. Not as much ethnic variety and it is expensive (McDonalds will cost around $8.50 a meal! And the fries and drink are Happy Meal sized), but not incredibly strange. The TV is mostly from the UK or the US, so nothing unfamiliar there. And it is beautiful here. Cold, but beautiful. Pictures and video should be posted to facebook soon.

Your prayers for safe travel were appreciated. Now we just have to go get our papers signed and move into our house! :)

Blessings!

Dear God,

I delight in you. I find new things hidden in each passing moment that romance me; I hear words from every mouth around me that draw me into you. The gifts you give me surpass my expectations and are far too good for me. The people who love me deserve better from me, and still you bless me with their friendship.

You know that I love your sky so you paint it twice each day with my favorite colors. And at night you send me small visions of your glory, scattered throughout the expanse of the heavens. You know that I find joy in blooming things so you place them along my path. Even in the poorest and roughest of neighborhoods you plant gardens; they are behind trailers and under barred windows. You know that I love children so you send these precious ones to worship in front of me, and I watch them clap and take it all in. And you know that I love to sing, so you gave me a voice. And when I sing to much and listen too little, you take my voice away so I can hear others.

When I am sad, you wrap yourself around me like the quilt that I loved as a child. You listen to me cry and when I pray for peace or sleep, you answer me.

When I am uncertain, you speak words into my thoughts throughout the day and sometimes your voice comes from the mouths of the people behind me in the grocery store. You tell me that you will always take care of me because you love me and want me to live, really live.

When I am happy I will praise you for letting me feel that way.

Lord, I am deeply in love with you. Thank you for showing me what that means. Thank you for teaching me what love is and that it is what I deserve. Thank you for teaching me how to love someone else.

I promise you, my God, that to the best of my humble abilities, I will lift up the people that come across my path. I will speak of You more often and I will talk with you even more often than that. I will tell you I love you with words and with actions.

You have placed a calling into my heart to go somewhere sight unseen in 8 days, and to stay for an unknown amount of time. I have less than half of the money I need, and I am scared of failing you. I am scared that I will miss the reason you have sent me so far because of my own weaknesses. Please, God, sit beside me in class and hold my hand as I walk so that I will always remember to wait on you.

I don't know why I feel that you are sending me so far away just to be closer to you, but I trust you. I will no longer worry or try to control this journey. You are in control, and I know that if I really do love you the way I profess to love you, I will trust you.

Thank you God, for giving me grace. Thank you for allowing me to be so intimately connected with you. You, creator, savior, pasture-maker, shepherd, healer, my redeemer,Lord and King, beginning and the end- I AM-

I humbly praise you and give my life to you again. I surrender. I love you.

Hi Guys! Well I really don't post as much on this blog as I should and to Aislinn's delight, I plan on changing that once we hit the ground in Sydney :). However this blog post is prompted more by recent events in my life then by our impeding trip to OZ.

Is it strange that I am writing my family letters to read if something happens to me after I leave for Sydney? I think my biggest fear would be a plane crash, but hey, I could get cancer or get hit by a car over there, too. So I wrote my parents a "Just in Case" letter with instructions about what to do with my stuff and how to handle a memorial service, etc. It was soooo sooo soo strange to write it, and I felt paranoid the whole time.

Honestly, I know I shouldn't have a real fear of death, but the plane ride is making me nervous. And given my Dad's history of sending Forrest and I "Just in Case" letters every time he and mom get on a plane, I figured I would return the favor. I am also giong to write all three of them individual letters to settle some issues between us, and to let them know what they mean to me, and of course to reassure them that I am in heaven with Jesus, which would be totally awesome (just hopefully not yet please!).

I could just say all this stuff to their face, and I probably will, but I'm hoping that if something were to happen to me on this journey, a letter like that would be a great comfort. What do you all think? Crazy or thoughtful?

19 days until I step onto the first of the 4 planes that's going to get me to Sydney!

~Aislinn

Well. I have had a frustrating past few weeks, to say the least. If there's anyone out there who is unaware of the process in moving internationally, you not only have to have a passport, but a visa. For short term travel that's not always necessary but in my case it is. So, I was told by some people at HILC through facebook (MISTAKE #1, btw- do NOT get your info from people on facebook!) that I needed to go online, print out a paper application and mail it in to the US/ AUS embassy in Washington DC 5-6 months before I was going to leave to give them ample time to process said application. So, way back in October, I mailed in my application (MISTAKE #2- mail it in 4 months before and you'll be fine! MISTAKE #3: do it online, and you'll get approved in 24 hours!). They charged my credit card on October 7th, and then in December I got a call from my case officer stating that the visa couldn't be processed until 90 days from the date my classes started. That meant that they couldn't begin to make a decision until April 19th.

So April 19th came and went, and I got nervous and called the visa services information hotline. I was told that they hadn't opened my visa, but expected to soon, and that when they did open the application for processing, it would take a maximum of 20 days. (MISTAKE #4: I did not ask them to contact me when the visa was opened for processing.) I asked why the processing hadn't been started since I had been given this specific date by my caseworker, and they said "Oh, I can't see anything wrong with the application, so I don't really know..but we'll be in contact." So, I waited 20 business days and heard nothing.

I then called the hotline back and got some person who barely spoke English who said that the application was "still in processing" but that she couldn't tell me how long it had been in processing or when a decision would be made. I asked her to have my case officer call me, because at that point, it was the end of May and I had about 4 weeks until I got on a plane. SCARY! (MISTAKE #5: I didn't ask for my case officer's information to contact him directly...and MISTAKE 6: I lost his name and phone number even though he'd called me in December). I informed the person I was speaking to that I needed to let the case officer know my travel plans, because I am leaving 2 weeks before courses start. They were running on the assumption that they had 6 weeks to approve it, but they really had around 4. (MISTAKE 7: I didn't include travel dates on my application because I filled it out before I bought my airline ticket- it goes along with doing it too early.)

So I got an email on May 28th saying that within 2 business days my case officer would contact me. Well, even with Memorial Day thrown in there, I got nothing from my case officer. So, I sent an email to the Department of Immigration and Migration services in North America threatening to call my state representative if I didn't get an answer or even just some sort of communication from my case officer.

Today, I called the hotline again at 3:30 pm. I talked to a woman who acted very annoyed with me, saying they had already notified my case officer of my concerns and that "The embassy is aware of your situation; now all we can do is wait because we have a high volume of student applications this time of year." Well, that was utter crap! So I asked if I could please get a refund and cancel the paper process, allowing me to start an online visa application. Robin did hers online and got approved in 24 hours. The lady on the phone told me that while they could cancel my visa application, my money was non-refundable. At this point I was beyond angry. I told her I was going to call my state representative if I didn't hear from my case worker by tomorrow. She said, "I understand your nervousness but that is our policy." And we hung up.

I then emailed HILC to see if anyone over there knew someone in the Embassy that could get the process rolling for me, and I began typing an email to my US-TX state representative. Literally, as I sent the email out to HILC, right before I sent one to my rep in DC, I got an email from my case worker approving my visa.

8 months, $450, 4 phone calls and 3 emails, and 2 threats later, I finally got my visa.

Was it a coincidence that 2 hours after I b****** out the phone operator and sent a threatening email to the Department of Immigration and Migration I suddenly got approved? After 8 months with NO contact from the DIAM? I don't think so.

The moral of the story, young ones, is just do your visa application online and save yourself the worry.

The closer I get to leaving for HILC, the more God heats and beats my heart, much like iron. He's definitely preparing me to be open to His Spirit when I leave.

A few nights ago I woke up at 4:30 am with some words rolling around in my head. Usually I ignore anything that comes to me that late at night, but I felt like I needed to write the words down. They were words that were tender for me. Things I didn't want to admit to myself or to anyone else. I went downstairs and wrote them all down, and started arranging them into something that made more sense to me. It ended up as a poem, and now a song. Songs just seem to make sense, you know? I can follow the idea and the emphasis of a song much more easily than anything else on the planet.

The words, like I said, were tender to me, and I don't think I fully realized how tender they were until they came out on paper. I guess I just pushed those feelings into the back of my mind. The words were about a specific person that I came to care about very much. I didn't understand that I cared until I left this person, and I don't think this person cared about me to the same degree. We disagreed over a lot of things, but agreed on a lot too, and had some very intense moments where I almost felt something emerge. However the situation we were in really didn't allow room for anything else but the tasks immediately at hand, and when the task was done I left and haven't seen that person at all since then. But over the past few months, I come back to that person in my head over and over again. There's not anything I can do at this point. I am leaving, this person is otherwise occupied in a different part of the country and even if I could do something about it, I don't know if I would. It's frustrating because I don't want to feel that way at all and I don't understand why those feelings are there. I developed them quietly and they snuck up on me all at once a little while ago. Hopefully other people know what I'm talking about and I'm not out in crazy town by myself.

I wrote the words for that person, and wrote our story specifically, but the longer I sat looking at them, singing them, playing with them, I realized that they could be for any number of people in my life. I didn't attempt to write about God mending anything or about a hopeful ending. I just wrote how I feel, at a dead end, stuck with this longing for another person and the bitter regret that we are separated indefinitely and I'll never really know their side of the story. I feel that way about a few people who were very important in my life for a while and now have virtually no contact with me. I can't help but wonder how Jesus would guide me. I know I haven't deliberately hurt anyone, but there have definitely been things unsaid and relationships lost. Does Jesus mourn the loss of friendship for me, the loss of love? Am I losing people who were supposed to be an integral part of my life?

The thing that bothers me the most about myself is that I put on this armor against other people and often don't let my tenderness come through it. I feel like I have to be uber impressive, spiritually and mentally and emotionally. I'm sure a psychologist would tell you that it's because of the situation that I grew up in with people watching me all the time, and watching my family, but I think it just comes down to fear. In fact, I know it does, because when I do finally feel comfortable enough with someone to show a little bit of my heart I do it in an awkward way and then immediately become afraid of their reaction. Why can't I just tell people when I think they are doing wonderful things? Why can't I tell people when I admire their character? Why can't I just tell someone I love them without feeling embarrassed to feel that way?

I feel a deep sense of sadness for all of the people I have let slip in and out of my life. I feel a sense of guilt for not maintaining contact out of the fear that the other person would find me annoying. It's all so unreasonable but I do it all the time! And I keep telling myself how awful it is that I did it.

Matthew 18:21-35 tells me that if I don't forgive myself, God can't forgive me either. That's a very weighty thought for someone like me, who wants everyone to love her and is very conscious of each slip up. But no doubt about it; If I am unforgiving to anyone on earth, including myself, I can't receive the forgiveness of God. So that will be my first priority: forgiving myself. Forgiving myself for being silent when I could have been loving. Forgiving myself for being talkative and advising when someone else needed silent understanding. Forgiving myself for not hearing others and living too much inside my own head. I am going to let it go and accept a clean slate.

I'm going to remember that as a Christian, I only need to feel guilty if the Holy Spirit rebukes me and brings my sins to light. Half of the things I get upset about are not really bad at all, and I just create this huge battle in my head that no one else sees. So if the Spirit isn't rebuking me, I'm not going to worry about it. And yes, it is VERY clear when the Spirit is rebuking me. There are times when He does, and times when it's just me rebuking me.

I am going to let God, the giver of consolations, speak into my heart and tell me He loves me. I want to be loved so so badly, and He is just the one to do it.

And last but not least, I am going to put my feelings into view as I'm feeling them, if it won't damage another person. No more fear of feeling what I feel. So. Do I call that person up out of the blue and drop a bomb on them? Probably not. That opportunity has passed for now. I feel like the door could re-open in future years, but God is moving me out of that season of my life and into my new Australian season. But, mystery person, if you are reading this, it should be clear who you are. And you should know that even though it makes no sense and I am not sure, and it actually makes me laugh at myself, I....I....I think I may love you. Yeah, I think I may.

Hola!

Life has been very busy around here. I suppose the more interesting things that have happened (besides working working working of course) have been:

- Robin and I got to see Hillsong United in concert at the end of April and it was so awesome! Just to be in that place, hearing all those voices raised in worship was something unforgettable. Even though our feet hurt from waiting 2 hours in line and then standing throughout the whole concert, it was totally worth it.

-We have reserved our student housing and the school says they'll try their best to put us together. A lot of things in this preparation process have been different than my prep for OCU, but I'm learning that Aussie culture is a little...or a LOT...more laid back and "go with the flow" than ours. So, when I ask people at the school questions about housing, like what the address of the house is, they say, "Oh, we don't know yet. We'll tell you when you get here." Or if I ask a question about where to stay before housing opens, they say, "Just look around when you reach the airport and a shuttle driver can take you to a hostel." Now, for a control freak like me, that's panic attack inducing. But God, in his infinite wisdom, is sending tight-a** control freak me to the most laid back, slow to react country on the planet. Every tiny plan I make is becoming a learning experience as I deal with not always having details when I want them.

- Despite the vague statements made by people at the school and a whole lot of nail biting on my part, we have found a hostel to stay in for the 5 nights we need prior to college housing opening. It's called the Original Backpacker's Sydney, and it looks clean, safe and it's affordable. It's in an old Victorian house that they've modernized,with full kitchen to cook in and safes for our valuables. We do have to share a hall batch, but Robin and I will be in a 4 bed room with 2 other girls going to Hillsong so all in all a great deal.

- I sang alone, with my guitar, for the first time last weekend at FUMC Victoria. After which, I received a check for $200. God is miraculous. Not only did I get a warm reception after each service and a comfortable environment in which to debut my guitar skills, I got an unexpected blessing in that check.

We are leaving in about 6 weeks and I couldn't be more nervous and excited at the same time. Some moments I can't wait to get on the plane, and some moments I literally feel sick. But regardless, I'm doing it and I know this is the right plan for me. If you actually read this blog God bless you, and God bless you if you don't read it, too. :)

Peace.

Hey everyone!

It is getting so very very close to the time we leave! Part of me is super excited and part of me is pretty scared. Going off into the unknown with relatively little of anything you own and almost no money makes me nervous. I think to Robin it's just an adventure but it gives me slight heart palpitations. However, God keeps dropping little bits of reassurance into my path. Last weekend at Alpha, the talk was called "How does God guide us?" I will admit to being sleepy and sick with a cold so I sort of drifted in and out of the talk, until the very end when the speaker read a verse to us from Isaiah 30:21- " And whether you go to the right or the left, listen. There will be a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way! Walk in it.'" Immediately I felt that the words were meant for me. I can't explain exactly how, but I knew they were. I had been thinking about our trip to Sydney a lot that whole week and worrying about it, thinking that maybe it wasn't a divine calling but more like something we just really wanted so we sort of disguised it as a message from God. But as soon as I heard those words, I felt very calm and assured. It was another one of those strange moments in my life that make me feel crazy but also validated in my belief in an active creator. :)

I've decided that I don't like being employed. I mean, I like the paychecks and everything. What I don't like is that due to the good ole' US of A being in an economic crisis, my college degree means almost nothing. But, I am lucky in that I found work, unlike many Americans. I am now substituting in two local school districts and two private pre-schools. It keeps me busy every day, and although I may not work a full 8 hours each day, at least I'm working. Hopefully by the time we leave for Sydney I won't have to worry that we won't be able to pay our bills past the first month.